Monday, October 09, 2006



I finally understood today why I am always so tired feeling burdened. And I found it out not by reading his word but a Triathelete Magazine. The headlines was "Peter Reid End of An Era." he is a 3X World Ironman Champion and suddenly he decided to retire. Why when he was physically ready? He said there's no more drive for him to carry on. I felt it was how I felt, day by day, I live each day fulfilling endless expectations upon me sometimes even unknowingly. Achieving them endlessly tirelessly as if I depend on it. Am I sure? Quite

From when I was small, high expectations has been set for me my family, studies, achievements, success, and of coz I do am not able to succeed. Slowly expectations branch out into my friends when expectations of me being "nice" "fun to b with" "cheerful". And it crept into even all my past relationships, when those girls been with me expect me to b a guy suitable and good to them, being a gentleman, sensitive, understanding, caring. Which I always try and try to be, and I will come short of it occasionally. Expectations.

Even in church its there, in school and Triathlons its there. Although they do not pressure to win. But as long as school pay for me should I not give my all? Its the least I can do. And finally even GOD's expectations. I am not ashamed to write this because HE knows my heart and I am transparent before HIM. Every time knowing I come short before his expectations, even knowing he forgive, I will hate myself. Being angry with myself that why can't I live up worthy to HIS name. I know its not easy, its a tiring process. Knowing my reward is in eternity has not been my motivation, because I don't see it how could it encourage me? (Tsk little faith) But I do it because I obey and i know its the right way.

And when 1 day, I am not being the usual "Sky" I get judged and sometimes condemned just for that even 1 time. Then sometimes I would think than what for I should carry on being what I am? I carry on because its what GOD plan for me to be. I am not born like that, I am nuture and grew to be what I am. I am flawed but I yearn to be what its good in Christ's name. I guess in the end its the desire to be like Christ that counts, the Final Expectation.

I thank GOD that I now understand and don't let this be a barrier for me to stop growing more into Christ-likeness to please u even when i am overcome by burdens, faitugue and worries. In Jesus name I Pray AMEN.

2 Corin 5:9

SO we make it our goal to please him, whether we are at home in the body or away from it.


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