Sunday, May 13, 2007

Enduring with Blood Stained Knees

Today, it was more than weeping, more than ministry. It was my silent, sorrowful cry, my shout to GOD. Tears flowing uncontrollably, my strength dried, determination broken, my will lost leaving my Spirit enduring. For the first time in this year. I wanted to give up.

Give up in everything that I do or did. My family, my friends, my school, my goals, my finance, my team, my sport.

At the end of the sermon, but when Jackie spoke. And start releasing those ministry words. Tears flow down my face like a waterfall.

"We have our mistakes, our flaws, our struggles"
"No one can do your race"
"We will fall, but its all right, its Ok"
"Finish the Race"

She shared about the story of the marathon runners its like the struggles we go through. Runners running with bloodstained knees really smack me in the face so hard. I felt it was something that I relate to my own life. Closing my eyes and cried.

Envisioning being the runner not even half way through my race. And yet I have fall again and again. With blood stained knees due to my flaws, my mistakes, my struggles, my expectations, my past, myself. I felt I could not go on, I really could not. The more she spoke the more my tears were.

Gnashing my teeth while crying, not wanting to kneel, wanting to stand strong. Praying I can endure and not give up, I spoke to my Lord.

"Lord, I will even crawl to the Finish Line"
And more tears came


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